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I can’t remember exactly what I said but there was a lot of, “I had no idea” and “I’m so sorry” and “what do I do?” How did you tell your husband about this? This moment in time had simply unlocked something bigger that I truly had no idea was living inside of me but acknowledging it felt like I was fully breathing for the first time. But as time wore on, I was able to realize that wasn’t the case. I don’t know if that’s the case for everyone’s relationships but it was true for mine.Īt first, I told myself that I wasn’t attracted to women, it was just this particular woman. I’m a verbal processor and I knew that if I talked to anyone but Ryan-that would have been a betrayal.
#Im going straight to the nearest gay bar shirt skin#
It was so heavy and pressing and demanding that I didn’t even feel comfortable in my skin until I spilled it all out to him when I got home. This was so strong and so undeniable that there was only a matter of a few hours between when it started and when I told Ryan about it. But let me just say that one night at a party, I felt an attraction to a very good friend of mine. We’re born into them and we keep them until they start to not fit very well.įor me, there was both an out of the blue epiphany and a gradual unfurling of truth.īoiling a very nuanced story down into a few sentences is going to lose so much. It was a label that was applied to me and I accepted, just like so many other labels. But that’s not how things went-I just was straight because we were a straight people.
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When I look back on my adolescence, I can see that there were plenty of times where, had I been given space or the information, I might have realized that I had an attraction to other genders at that point. I just didn’t realize that I would become a part of that group. Straight was right and gay was wrong and, oh by the way, those are the only two options.Īs an adult, I began to lay down some of the values that I was raised with and in doing so, I’ve felt a passion for fighting for the “others” among us-in particular the LGBTQA+ community. I grew up in an evangelical Christian, church-three-times-a-week kind of family in the middle of Kansas and the thoughts on sexuality were very cut and dry. Growing up, how did you think about sexuality? He lives his whole life without judgment of others and that’s something that’s not only been a blessing to me in partnering with him but something that challenges me to be better and do better. He lives his life knowing that there are no good people and no bad people-we’re all just people. Since day one, I’ve always been drawn to the way that he allows people to be themselves fully. He’s hilarious and intelligent and creative. At this point, we’ve been together for six years, married for two and a half. Ryan was a few grades ahead of me in high school but he and I never really connected until I was in my mid-twenties and just so happened to move into his apartment building. I love to paint, read, and do all kinds of other inside-cat types of activities.
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I also work at a bookstore where I get to meet readers all day and that’s one of my most favorite things. I write a blog and am helping to develop a local art and literary magazine called &/Both. I live in Central Kansas with my partner and our pets. Sexuality is a spectrum, right? What happens if you discover you’re a bisexual woman … after you’ve married a man? That’s exactly what happened to Libby.